4 Comments

  1. That makes a lot of sense. It reminds me of why I — who almost majored in computer science — wanted nothing to do with the decisions regarding my new computer a few years ago and left it all up to my husband. “Why are you doing this?” he asked. “I know you are completely capable of understanding all this stuff and doing the research and making the decisions. Why leave it so completely up to me?” But I was making a lot of decisions about homeschooling the kids at the time, spending all my energy on decisions that no one else would pay attention to or make for me but that would really matter to our kids, and the computer was one set of decisions I just didn’t want on my plate. I was happy to hand it off to someone else. We seek a balance. In the context of a life of having to dominate and take responsibility for most of the day, it totally makes sense to have some small part of the day in which one yields responsibility and decision-making to someone else.

  2. Hey, Diana: good points. I actually had a friend in the UK, decades ago, who’d lived with a professional dominatrix for years, and she counted high court judges and police commanders among her clients. It’s absolutely true.

    On a more subtle level, one thing I noticed in my own 20+year career as a high-end faux painter catering mostly to rich and powerful clients is that powerful people are extremely hierarchical: they tend to see the world as a vertically-arranged system, and the very first thing they do (an unconscious reflex IMO) is assign them a position in their worldview hierarchy. I always found that by hitting them right away as someone who was highly educated and not about to take shit got me a ranking as at least their social/intellectual (not economic, of course) equal right away, which meant they were less likely to play games with me down the line over things like bills and payment. Inetrsting stuff.

  3. Gretchen

    The idea that being a sub equals lack of power bothers me. The only way being a D/s relationship works is if both parties hold each other in _absolute respect_. The sub _has_ to know that the safe word will work, if needed, and that the Dom will respect all boundaries set up before their encounter.

    You can’t do that if the power balance outside the D/s part of the relationship isn’t absolutely equal. The only way women _can_ be proper subs (in hetero relationships) is if they have just as much power as the man. A sub certainly relinquishes control, and that certainly has appeal, but only if the relationship stays within safe boundaries. The sub never relinquishes power.

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